Hello! Gosh, wasn’t Carrie Contey‘s discussion on Thursday evening at our school amazing!? Since I was introduced to her peaceful and accessible wisdom in 2009, I often visit her website and blog to gain insights as someone who regularly interacts with tiny humans. Her video posts on the brain are particularly interesting and beautifully illustrate the discussion we had on Thursday. Part One provides an in-depth understanding of the triune brain–which is helpful to understand in regards to humans, both tall and small–and Part Two provides an authentically “Austin” twist on what people feel when they are in each of those three parts. The illustration and explanation Carrie handed out to us was also very informative. And, there’s so much more! Carrie’s Creating Your Best Year Yet event in January at The Oasis will offer more goodness to fill up on! It is rare that an expert is able to make information so nourishing and easy to put into practice. Amazing.
We have had discussions like this on our radar since day one, but with all of the tremendous progress and the behind the scenes work, we were waiting to get our feet under us at the new building to offer these types of events. However, we realized–why on earth wait?! Let’s do this now! These interactive talks provide families and staff with opportunities to learn from a common source so that we can provide a consistent and informed approach for the children. Some say raising a child takes a village–let’s all learn and thrive together to be the best we can be for each unique and wonderful child!
One takeaway for me from the discussion was to allow your child room to grow. Carrie talks about the great amounts of growth and development that humans experience in the early years of life–as she said, children are people in small bodies trying to wire, wire, wire their brains to exist in this world as they experience and interact. At Lupine Lane, our goal is to provide the children with a balance of a whole child education and space to evolve into who they are at this stage in their lives. The space is essential.
After the talk, I spoke with several families who illustrated examples of giving their child space to process, grow and express themselves. To me, for this time to be meaningful to the child, it must be unstructured and unguided, in other words, propelled by intrinsic motivation. Maybe that means providing a space at home for your child to cover in masking tape or string, color on the walls (really!–mount some white board or tape up some butcher paper and let them go to town!), supplying found materials to create instruments and embracing their jam sessions or freedom to run and explore the natural environment surrounding your home independently. These are the experiences that allow your child to explore, learn and grow through discovery–both of their environment and their passions.
As a child, I was into everything. My Mom is exceptionally neat and clean, and because I was constantly exploding with creations that took over most of our house, we were often at odds. I spent a lot of time outdoors, exploring our backyard, trails, nearby fields and meadows and transforming spaces of overgrown New Jersey nature into forts, club houses or a place to just make messes. I also found my room and our scary but super-huge blank slate of a basement to be places where I made a space to express myself. This worked for my Mom and me. I had spaces to “do my thing” for hours and hours on end that didn’t encroach on our entire family. After all–it is important for everyone to have space that they feel comfortable in, not just the kids in the house.
My room and the basement were constantly transforming environments. Sometimes the basement was a ski lodge and people had to put on old cross country skiing boots (super awkward to walk in, but that didn’t matter) and snow suits. Or sometimes it was the galley of a sailboat and we–or just me–would imagine being caught in a hurricane, baton down the hatches and put on fowl weather gear. Sometimes it was a workshop and my Dad would come down to help me design and construct a lemonade stand for all of us neighborhood kids to use or build and paint a cradle for a new baby doll. Most times, the space was a doll kingdom, a house or a school. The term, one’s trash is another’s treasure is especially true in childhood. I would often go through the attic and resurrect items that had become musty and of no use to anyone. I would turn it into something new, useful and exciting to me.
As I got older and felt the desire to express myself with words or drawings, I did so and then hung things up in these spaces. It felt like home to me, more than ever, when I entered the spaces that I had made uniquely mine. I definitely made my mark, but always tried to do so in a way that didn’t cramp my family’s space–sometimes, I think they will tell you, I was unsuccessful, but I tried.
One of many things that I feel my parents did incredibly with my brother and me was that they gave us this space and time. Whether I was outside from dawn until dusk, roaming the neighborhood or trails nearby or in the basement or my room for ten plus hours–or my brother, who is now an engineer, was on the computer or playing video games or constructing Star Wars or Micro Machine scenarios for the better part of the day–they allowed us this space to grow, learn, create and perhaps most importantly, self regulate. If something interested us and made us happy, we figured out how long we would spend on it, which is what we do now as adults. If we were hungry or thirsty, we’d head to the kitchen and get something to eat or drink, whether that was cantaloupe, a sandwich or ice cream or in my case, often a big mess that resulted in some sort of odd, semi-edible, yet somehow delicious to me creation.
Now, of course we went to school and participated in sports and other organized activities and my Mom was awesome at making us breakfast, lunch, dinner and/or snacks to grab every day. There were a few schedules we followed and there was a lot of time we spent together doing things as a family. But in that down time, which was plentiful, we were free to learn. This is something that allowed ample opportunity for Andrew and I to relax and take interest in things that inherently appealed to us. It also allowed my parents the space to take care of their responsibilities and themselves as people and harbored peace within our family.
As Carrie talked about, there is power in space and slowness–unscheduled, unguided slowness. Trust your child’s discovery process and allow them to embrace the person they are at any given moment and constantly becoming. At the same time, allow yourself the time and space to nourish and continue to discover who you are. Foster an authentic unveiling of self for all members in your family and relish in the peaceful, respectful, love-drenched contentment together.
Peace and happiness-
Lauren